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Lola Pickett, Dyana Valentine
Lola Pickett 00:03
Welcome to the Empath To Power Podcast, where through interviews, stories and science, I help you the highly sensitive person, the empath, the recovering people pleaser and perfectionist, move from stress, overwhelm and anxiety, to self-trust and power. I’m Lola Pickett, and it’s time to stop fearing success. Dare to be seen and embrace the gifts of your sensitivity. Welcome everyone, to really what I know already to be a powerful conversation, a connection. This human that I get the pleasure of sitting across from on my screen has been present in some of the bigger moments of my life, you know of the last 10 years of my life. I’m bringing Oracle and agitator Dyana Valentine here today. And have asked her to come and share her. Pardon me, ask them to come and share their wisdom, share their questions, share their presence, their deep connection with beyond the ordinary, beyond the typical reality. They are someone who I knew to look to when I wanted to create a powerful ritual of union with my husband. I knew they facilitated really meaningful looking and feeling rituals for others. I thought, who better? We had been connected online but I just thought I want to reach out and see if this could be possible. It was and continues to be the best decision that I made, because this is someone who knows how to show up.
I get messages from you, Dyana, regularly just genuinely caring for the wellbeing of me, my family, and my relatives. That kind of caring is not always the story. We went into this conversation with you asking me, “how am I as a person”? It makes my heart feel so full to be genuinely met in that way. This is what I’ve always received from you, from the beginning of my inquiry around, is this possible for you to help facilitate this union? The sacred promise, in front of our community in a really fun way. So, thank you for your caring. Thank you for your way of being. It really means a lot to me, and I noted many, many others as well. So “how am I being as a person” and then I’m going to turn it back to you. I am a person in this moment, who is tired. I want to present that this has been a grueling period of my life. If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while you knew that first, we got sick as a family with something mysterious that seemed very COVID-like very early on in March. We’ll never know what it was, never tested positive for it. Then right after we got better, T. Gray’s dad got diagnosed with Covid as well as his mom, and we almost lost his dad. Since that time his dad has gotten better, it’s just been kind of one series of really high-highs, really amazing moments of synchronicity, promise, delight, pleasure, abundance, and very quickly followed with the next challenge. It’s a year of, how present can you be for all of it? I feel like in this moment, my body’s just like, “Yeah cool, that’s been awesome and so valuable.” Also, “let’s sit on the couch for a little bit. Let’s be kind to this being that is carrying you through this life, this vessel”. So, by being a little tired, my spirit is pretty good. I feel like my spirit and my soul are still feeling pretty sparky. I know that’s good. What about you? I mean, it’s been an intense time for so many of us.
Dyana Valentine 04:30
Yeah, I feel pretty soft right now and it’s different to tender. It’s different to a bunch of other things. It hadn’t occurred to me really until I let myself re-enter the space. So, I’ve been gone in prayer and ceremony, and visiting relatives for a little bit and I didn’t announce that. A few people knew in my closer circles. I did that intentionally. I really felt I needed to protect myself, in a kind of way. It’s interesting to feel both protected and soft. I wonder if they’re related, if the softness allows that protection to be there, and if the protection allows a kind of softness. While you were talking, I was thinking about some advice that I got from a very, very wise person in our prayer families who said, “Dyana, do you ever just like be a person? Ever just like be a person, just like every day normal life, like just be a person?” I was honestly immediately confused by the question, because the only thing I could hear was a criticism or correction, right? Then the words sort of traveled behind it and I thought, “I am. That’s all I’m doing. That’s all I’m doing. That’s all I’m doing. That’s all I’m doing.”
I knew that I was totally not only not getting the question, but not really even it hadn’t even really arrived at my body like in my 15 second conversation. But once it did, it was probably several days later and I’m grateful to TJ for this, for asking me this and he asked me fairly regularly, “You ever just be a person?” I don’t really know what he necessarily means. I know there’s more behind what he’s asking me. But a few days later, I realized I was in my mind, I was busy earning love. I was busy making a kind of agenda subconsciously for being a good guest, for being a good relative, for being a good sister, for being a good auntie for whatever the list was, I sort of was automatically doing that. And I thought, “Oh, that’s what he might have meant. Maybe he really is watching me and knows exactly what I’m about to do”. I didn’t know, but it took me hanging out with a question for a while. So, I just want to invite anybody listening who can relate to that sort of agenda of being that is sometimes really comforting. It’s sometimes very, it’s very reinforcing in a lot of ways to like systems that I know I belong to as a mortal on the planet. So, part of that is really clean and good energy. Then the other parts are really keeping me from softness, and I think they also keep me from protection. I think they also kind of set up little circumstances where I’m more vulnerable in a negative way than I would be otherwise. So, all that goes into I feel both soft and protected. Also, I’m learning how to be a human.
Lola Pickett 08:19
I feel so fed.
Dyana Valentine 08:21
I don’t know, it’s kind of deep.
Lola Pickett 08:22
Well, of course it is. That’s how we go. That’s what we do. It’s how we are, it’s who we are. I think that really relates to what I was saying, because part of the reason I’m so tired, physically, you know, not necessarily spiritually, but physically is, I do feel as though I’m showing up in so many different parts of my life as a specific role. Whereas, maybe it’s mom, maybe it’s good mom, maybe it’s good daughter, maybe it’s good friend. Maybe it’s wise counselor, wise teacher, brilliant marketer, whatever the role is. Of course, the role is just a fraction of who any one of us really are. It’s so easy and tempting to just give it all to the role, kind of give a power away to the role in a way. Like, I don’t have to be in my fullness and vulnerability, softness, if I’m being a good mom, that’s gonna keep me busy.
Dyana Valentine 09:29
Yeah, and I think that where we have a lot of it depends on our assignments on the planet. I really feel committed to anti-racist activities. I’m committed to lifting up people who are protecting culture and language that has been suffered under genocide. Also, I’m very aware of the reality that there’s systematic impotence there for me for voice in a lot of ways. Some of that is self-soothing behavior. Some of it is just waiting. I don’t mean waiting to act, I don’t mean I’m as active as I can be with what I’m available for in terms of where my resources go and what conversations I’m open to having has a lot to do with it. To support people who are on the front lines. I’m not on the front lines, not available to be on the front lines right now. I have been, I will be again. I do take a front-line stance where I am.
I think that to me, I’m okay with putting some of my super deep ongoing individualized work on a lower priority than that. When you talk about roles, and we talk about title, or the entitlement that comes with an assignment. For example, I’m not confusing that with white privilege, but I’m saying there is a sort of responsibility that comes with these roles. And even in using Oracle, I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently. About how that is a title someone else gave to me, someone else used repeatedly and used in a public way to introduce my work on multiple platforms. When we talked about it, I said, tell me about where that comes from. They really felt like it was the closest thing that made any kind of sense. At least let people sort of open the door, those sort of marketing ideas developed these analogies for the front door and the doorbell of what everything kind of looks like to attract people in. I recently made a pretty radical change to my business and I think the name might go with it, because I don’t practice in a lineage of Oracle’s, I don’t have it. My work is not predictive which can be confusing to people. It’s kind of a sexy, attractive word. It has worked for me in a lot of ways. It’s been something that’s been, it has opened doors, it has created pathways, but I just wonder about those pathways. As we’re talking about it, a restructuring on a lot of levels, prioritization of work availability. Without a structural plan, no for me.
Lola Pickett 12:47
Scary a little bit.
Dyana Valentine 12:49
Creator told me two years ago, actually like either today or tomorrow. Oh, it’s Thursday, right? Yeah, so it would have been today or tomorrow, but I implemented it two weeks ago, a very clear message Creator gave me and said, “This is what your website looks like. And this is what’s on there.” Now, of course, I’m a human, so I do what I’m told. So, it’s at half the price point and there’s some more words there is and they suggested that I put, but I’m getting there. That was part of a gesture. I call it a gesture as opposed to, it’s not complete. It’s not a quest resolved. It’s not I’m not making it precious or anything in terms of what it is. I did my best and it took me a long time to do it. So, I think that when we’re talking about how we really are, it’s sort of a progressive conversation as opposed to an individual transaction.
Lola Pickett 13:58
Dyana Valentine 13:59
That was long, I’m going to try to keep my responses a little bit shorter.
I don’t know, I feel like I’m very circuitous for listeners.
Lola Pickett 14:09
I love the wandering path because so much of that territory is the lived experience of the people who tuned into this show. Taking a long time to follow through on something that they know they need to do, or they’ve been called to do. There is a temptation to either keep resisting that, or to make it precious, like you said. Make it like, I’m living my purpose now. Put a bell on it or to lambaste ourselves, for humanity and for our moments of not feeling certain about making that decision, even though it’s like the right decision. It’s what we need to do.
Dyana Valentine 14:56
Funny thing is not even a decision
Lola Pickett 14:59
Dyana Valentine 15:01
It was a very clear direction. I trusted where it came from. I heard it without any interference. It wasn’t like, I wonder if that’s what they meant. There was actually not much of an invitation. It was a command. Then I argued about it for two years and it wasn’t even a decision. So, I can’t even claim any power in it. Sometimes it’s power, choice, territory, even the words “lambaste”. We use these words that really drive up the value of something,
Lola Pickett 15:51
Dyana Valentine 15:52
We do it without thinking about it. I wonder what it would be like for myself to follow instructions without expectation or without them needing to create like a three to five year whatever, or label it having resisted. Well, it took me two years minus two weeks plus 20 minutes. I mean, it was effortless in a lot of ways. It was also like that was the right time. Creator doesn’t have a timeline that has anything to do with days, or years or anything. So, I don’t know, could be.
Lola Pickett 16:33
Yeah, it’s so good because I feel…
Without expectation or pride, I think that’s the part that I get really sticky on.But then I go, “ahh the cookies.” Then I listened to myself talking about it then I go, “first of all, you don’t have to tell everybody what happened. Second”. Except I do. I think I do. I think I do, right now. I mean, I checked in with myself about what I wanted to share. I’m glad that I shared that. But I have to be sure it’s clear to me. I didn’t actually do that for anything other than, I knew I needed to follow that instruction, because I know that there are things around that instruction, behind it, the size of it, underneath it, above it, in front of it, that I can’t see without taking that action. I think all of our instructions that we get, there all in forms that only we understand. Sometimes we have interpreters and have helpers. I have a lot of human interpreters and helpers who support me and my work and help me get out of that power struggle with myself, that perceived power struggle, because it doesn’t really ever build anything. Anything that is actually powerful when I’m really efforting. Never. They always go sideways. Every time it’ll look really good in the package for a while, and then you open it. It’s just rotten…
Lola Pickett 18:18
yeah, it’s so true.
I’m still very attracted to the packaging. Sparkly…
Lola Pickett 18:28
Yeah, I was just talking about this today with a client and the ways that we negotiate on the instructions, or the ways that we pretend we don’t know. It’s not conscious most of the time. We’re not like, I’m gonna argue with this or I’m gonna ignore my intuition. Most of us aren’t being willfully ignorant on that front. I would say this client was talking to me and they said, “How do I know my real motivation for something?” How do I know?
That’s a really powerful question. How do we know? Like what comes through for you with that? And does it even? Is it even the right question to ask? Or if I don’t know, a powerful question.?
No, I have. I think about questions a lot. The wrong…I’m trying to get a new word for these, right?
Right now I have wrong, right and real. Those are the wrong questions. So the ones that make us feel like like shit. So, if when you ask that question of yourself, how do I know? How can I discern? What is that motivates me?
Lola Pickett 19:47
My real motivation, like the real trailer for action,
The real driver, how do I trust that or how do I know? If when you ask that you feel like crap, or you feel like a bad person, I’d say it might be sitting in that category of these “questions harm me”. Then the second category is these questions or these questions that are sort of socially sanctioned. So, we have these questions because we know we’re going to have company. We know we’re going to have witnesses; we know we’re going to have people who approve of the question, right? Those kinds of questions have to do with reputation, membership, belonging. They have to do with the reflection of that question back from other people. To me, the real question comes underneath motivation or whatever we label as the things that are measurable or seen in ourselves or our lives. Underneath that is going to be, how trustworthy am I? How can I be more trustworthy?
To myself, to other people… How can I believe myself? What’s one thing that I could do today to be reliable to what I know needs to be done for my family and my community? How could I lift someone up? Maybe we even go outside of ourselves. How could I lift someone up today? What can I do? Let me look at my list of memories of things. I like to track things in people’s lives.
I was just thinking about that the other day because I do check in with you all but I don’t know the kids’ birthdays. I don’t even know Tigre or your birthday, but other things that have come across in our connection, I think about those. So sometimes when I’m adrift, I really try to play around with questions that feel more real, questions that really go through you and when you ask them.
When I say, “how can I be more trustworthy?” I feel that pretty much everywhere. If anybody’s doing somatic work or checking in with your body, I feel that in several places in my body. I feel that even outside myself, it’s almost even though I have this headset on, I felt that go to the corners of the room. So, that gives you some indication that you’re on the real question. I almost always like to look around a question, unless when someone asks me a question, it does that same kind of ping, it feels a little different when it’s someone else’s question than when it’s mine. When I see that in them, sometimes I don’t feel it, but I feel it and then I hear it from them. So, I would say, “let’s get a little bit out of the habit of harm, no harm or harm of others. Let’s look critically at our desire for reputation, for approval for that kind of structure. And let’s look into our sort of deeper part of questions that almost like, if I could answer the question of how do I be more trustworthy?” It would probably answer many other questions in the reputation and harm levels that would make those more clear to me. So maybe I’ll hang out here and work a little bit. I found it to be very helpful to have people reflect back to me, “that doesn’t sound like a real question. That sounds like you’re beating yourself up.” So, when loved ones, you can get some level of or even some really shrewd strangers, who you believe are good at their job.
And say I want to tell you a story, and you listen for the lie. And then just try that out. You know, yeah, because it’s always there and we could sniff it out because our BC minds love the live smell we’re like, weakness. Oh really, what is that?
Lola Pickett 24:04
Something stinks in there. Smells like food.
Dyana Valentine 24:12
I want that. That’s something that we were like, just like all the algorithms, whatever all this stuff is, all meant to keep us really escalated. We actually have really good trained radar for escalation and people, it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between trauma, pain, availability, protection, like it’s just hard sometimes. It sounds very lazy but actually that’s what all this marketing and educational training has done for us. As I think it’s made us very sensitive to things like that and usually, we sometimes misunderstand them. We get into codependent symbiotic relationships with other people’s pain, but I think that’s a transferable skill.
Lola Pickett 25:05
Totally.I totally resonate with how you brought us into that four corners of the room feeling of that’s what would be most nourishing, beneficial to self and others. “Contributive” if that’s even a word. Whatever beneficial to really sit with and digest and internalize and integrate and explore. I think we are caught up with “up here”, we’re living in our heads so many of us as it is. Then our culture, you’re right when you were talking about “sniffing out the lie and how delicious that feels to our peace self.” I thought about reality TV, most bro marketing on Facebook, the latest catastrophe porn. This is the diet that people are being fed. If we want to nourish ourselves and also nourish the soil that we grow our food and nourish our children, nourish our communities, members of our communities be able to be that advocate. We can’t subsist on disaster porn.
Dyana Valentine 26:15
Yeah, it takes a lot more resources to do it. I mean, I think a lot of us do it. We know if the headline is clickbait. We can’t help but we just want to get a little bit of soap opera in our day. We just want to be riled up because feeling a feeling of hopelessness around what’s happening, depending on where you are and who you live with and what’s happening to your community and whether or not you are in a community where you’re attending three to five funerals a week or if you’re in a community where you just barely gotten to adulthood or even middle age. You’ve only maybe had minor losses or losses that felt like they made sense. Now we’re in a very different state as a community, I mean that state in a lot of different ways. So sometimes it’s like, you just need to survive the day. To be on my purpose,everything is aligned. If somebody tells me that they’re perfectly aligned right now, then I’ll tell you the lie.
Lola Pickett 27:38
You’ll sniff that out real quick
Dyana Valentine 27:41
That’s also, I feel like that is part of privilege.
I don’t mean we should all be walking around with gaping pussy all the time. I don’t mean that, I want to be functional. I want to be able to teach with some glee instead of like, do I really have to do this right all the time?
Lola Pickett 28:01
Dyana Valentine 28:05
But I think that goes back to TJ and my family members being like, “just relax”. There’s plenty of stuff going on, there’s always going to be something for you to work on at all times. Should you be available for that? So, let’s just have a meal without thinking about the third meal from now. What’s it gonna look like and making sure everybody has something to eat and eat because that’s my pattern. Right? I don’t know. I felt like there was something I don’t know. I’m not remembering it. I had an idea in my mind, because when we talked, we talked about something I felt like couldn’t be missed today. It feels like it’s kind of tied to what we’re talking about. But also, can I take a minute while you’re thinking about that, and say thanks to the people watching or listening
One thing I really want people to understand about who I am as a person and how I work, I mean, this is about my forward facing, my public facing work, and person and what I’m offering. If anybody is listening to this right now, wherever you are in time and space, whether it’s close to when this is published or a ways out, I am very available to have conversations about anything we’ve talked about here or other things. I always really encourage people to just email me. My phone number is actually on my website, which is my full name.com and I’m here for you. I am also wanting you to hear that what I’m saying is, I don’t have anything figured out. I’m working on it continuously. I’m very bad at it at many points. I screw stuff up all the time. I have major conflicts, my friends and family, I, all of these things are true. Also, a lot of what I do in my life is to make myself available to support people however I can. For me that is, I’m 51 so I’ve had a few miles on the road, and not as many as many and not as little as some. Age doesn’t necessarily determine that. But I just want you to know all the jobs that I’ve had, all of the things that I’ve read, all the ways of learning how to be a person, I feel that it’s my spiritual and social responsibility to share what I can. I want to offer that and I want people to really understand while they’re listening if people didn’t go to my website, or check out what the work is before they listen to this, that there is commerce but it’s really energetic commerce on multiple planes. So, when I say email me, or text my number, give me a call I actually really mean it.
And I hope you’ll do it. I hope some of this was like wait, wait, what? Or I disagree with you, I want to talk about it. Or I don’t get that.
Lola Pickett 31:34
Yeah, I encourage you to take them up on this because it’s a conversation that can bring you forward and back in a way, like back to what’s real. But also forward in your life where you’re not feeling overwhelmed and at a distance all the time by all the things that are happening, connecting with someone else who is real, in the mess, in the question, and willing to make mistakes, willing to look at how they can be more trustworthy.
Dyana Valentine 32:09
I want to say willing, what I would say, it’s inevitable.
Lola Pickett 32:16
Yes. You’re just not avoiding it.
Dyana Valentine 32:17
I’m gonna fuck shit it up. Y’all know I avoid it all the time. I’m not even going to give that pretend gloss on it. What I’m going to say is, it has happened enough in my life that this happens consistently enough that I can avoid it and I can do all of my ways of trying to be perfect, and it’s still going to happen. One thing that I really only recently learned is… one hair that just tickling me, (okay, I know I talked too long) that I keep surviving.
Lola Pickett 33:01
Yeah, you’re here.
Dyana Valentine 33:04
I don’t know how that happened. I don’t know that. I hope that there will be a time when I just trust that, and I know that. But I don’t feel that right now. I don’t feel like I trust myself to survive. I only have my above the eyebrows, my life above the eyebrows that says, “we must collect data”. The data is that every single time something happened that felt not survival-like somehow made it. For me personally, I think it would be great to shorten, and maybe this is some kind of competitive capitalist thing. I’m questioning myself as I’m saying this but shorten the trust cycle. It takes a long time for me to figure out trust, which is why one of my real questions was, how can I be more trustworthy because I have difficulty with trust? I think for sure the sky is falling at all times. Many people don’t believe that because I’m a fairly enthusiastic person but I’m like “Doomsday” inside here for a lot of it, you know?
Maybe that trust cycle just needs a little more agility training, a few more steep hills. Sometimes the physical…I checked out of my body for a few years when I woke up no one came through because it was “my above the eyebrow person” was like, “What are you doing? What is happening now?” We have to rearrange everything. Quit that! Down the hatches! I didn’t even realize I stepped out. Also, I think there was something really attractive in the liminal, half of my body here and half my body there. It felt kind of amazing.
Lola Pickett 34:59
Dyana Valentine 35:01
I was standing there, there’s a huge library in this house. Did you know there’s all these resources we didn’t even see? I had no idea I had those rooms in my house. So, I was like, let me go sit in one very still and eat a lot of nails, and study what this is about. Every once in a while I’ll snap back in and it was really only about three years ago that I started to get the value of being back in corporal form and knowing that that information is accessible and not having to be like Daffy Duck. Hoard it and I’d be like “mine mine mine”. Do you remember that or are you too young?
No. I remember.
Yeah. Hoarding that treasure that you don’t even know what’s under it. Is it like a mound of dirt with just the layer coins? I don’t know, but it’s I think that trust cycle and being aware of it. Being aware of how it operates in my body has really helped a lot, and helped me be much more available to people or at least know when I’m available and when I’m not.
Lola Pickett 36:18
Exactly. Because that’s trustworthiness. That it is “trustworthiness”, to know that they can trust your presence is not only halfway there no matter what it seems. Do you say “yes”? If you’re consulting yourself about your availability, and it’s really there, you mean that yes with your whole being, trustworthiness.
I’m pausing this conversation for just a second, to ask you a question. Are you here because you want to create change in your life, but you don’t want to compromise who you are, and you want to honor the fact that you are a highly sensitive soul? I’m going to invite you to listen to what becomes possible when you say a wholehearted yes to joining Empathology and our incredible community of students.
“Empathology came in front of me and it gave me hope in a way that Western Medicine had been failing me. So yeah, It was just a gift at the perfect moment.”
“This is really helping build a strong foundation and not a weak one to, you know, help us carry on and kick butt.”
“So I want to say that Empathology really helped me get grounded and understand my own ways of responding to things in the external world.”
“I love all things Lola and Tigre and Empathology™. I think that you should be too.”
“I’m so so glad because I can just feel like this first week already has been huge and I already have my money’s worth.”
“Having the community and the class to work through stuff, it really opened me and my eyes to noticing what wasn’t serving me anymore and what wasn’t healthy and what I Highest was saying.”
“After all the feelings of will I ever really feel something again? Am I not coping with something in my gnome? And will I ever be able to process all the things that I know have happened? I’m open again.”
“What I would say to somebody who is considering Empathology is, the support of everyone going through the program is second to none. Because yes, we are all in it together. We also support their sense of agency. And that is so empowering.”
“I love when I have the tools and can use them successfully. And it just, it feels so great. It just feels so wonderful and so empowering and to use them healthily, you know, my my powers as it would be, you know, it’s just been very, very positive.”
“Empathology gave me what I needed to get through that. So it’s going to be so supportive in whatever your goals are right now, so supportive for you, and your relationships, and your relationship with yourself. So, do it. Do it, do it. There’s no reason not to.”
“This is amazing because I’m not the only one. I’m not the only one. And I’m loved. And it’s the growth. I took my life back from your class. I hope you know that.”
Lola Pickett 39:29
Okay, it’s me again. Aren’t they the most incredible humans you’ve ever had the privilege to listen to? Well, when you’re ready to create your version of these results, visit Empathology.net to join the waitlist or register for this life changing training, coaching and community for empaths. I can’t wait to welcome you inside.
Dyana Valentine 39:58
I just want to say, I could change my mind because I might know something else 10 minutes later.
Lola Pickett 40:09
Dyana Valentine 40:11
Oh my god, that was a huge one, huge. I would lose an organ completing a “yes” that I had made. I would do anything I could do to get it done just for that. For the right question, that social outreach, respect or perceived respect that…
Lola Pickett 40:34
Dyana Valentine 40:37
Lola Pickett 40:41
What is integrity right?
I mean, integrity of inappropriate sacrifices is an oxymoron. You can’t have it.
Lola Pickett 40:50
No, you can’t. When we were navigating so much uncertainty personally, with Tigre’s health, especially in the last couple of months. The question that I found to be that whoosh of settling into my bones of here’s what’s real. Here’s an anchor, a tether to, in a way to keep me in my body, what does trust look like right now for me. What does it feel like? Or what does it act like? Fill in the blank for the verb. That gave me so much peacefulness around not knowing what was going to happen and knowing that anything good, bad, ugly in between all of which are interpretations. Well, if I trust myself, how can I be right now? Who can I be right now if I trust life, if I trust death, if I trust that everything is contributing to the wellbeing of this planet? Even if it’s personally painful because nature is wise. What does that level of trust look like? It doesn’t look like for me clinging to things being back to normal or trying to make things into something they’re not. So I felt a lot of my peacefulness come back with that question.
Dyana Valentine 42:21
Yeah, I’m with you there. What was it again? What would it look like if I…?
Lola Pickett 42:30
What does trust look like, feel like, be like right now?
Dyana Valentine 42:36
You said something about if I trust it or something, what would I do or what would I be right now?
Lola Pickett 42:43
Yeah. If I trust the situation, if I trust myself to navigate the unknown, if I feel like the evidence, that cognitive stacking of evidence, if I look back and always, I’ve still been here. Even when it’s been really hard and scary, what if I trust that? It’s a long cycle of trust for me too. I like how you know, for us, it feels long. The Creator knows timeless, but it’s a journey. I wonder why it’s a journey to trust.
Dyana Valentine 43:22
I don’t know. I think for some people, it may not be. I mean we like to individualize everything and also need that comfort of generalization. Because I know that when I talk to my brother, and he says, “Oh, I just give that to Creator.”
I say, “what do you mean?” Because I’m just giving it to Creator. Creator will handle that and I’m like, “but you must have an eight point plan of action and you must take responsibility for your life and he’s like, “I don’t know about that”. And I go, “Me neither, I’m just throwing out all the ideas that seem to have made sense on paper for the last 30 years”. I was so disoriented by it and yet completely there was no question. The voice, there was no there was no hubbub to it. Just oh yeah, I’m just gonna back sit this back for later. I was in the background like, can we do that? Is that something like, is that available for everyone? Because has everyone had first yet? Has everyone created first yet? Have we all been given something to create yet? Could I have half a serving?
I became kind of in it and then as I saw myself spinning on that, this was a huge pivotal moment and was in April of this year. I think March or April. I think it almost played lippancy. But it wasn’t. It was just total. I just gave it to Creator. I got off the phone with him. I thought, I’m gonna try it. I want to try that. I want to know what that would feel like. I’ve heard people say it before, it’s not that it’s the hint at the right moment. So, I just started talking and really, because a lot of times I don’t know what I’m thinking till I say it out loud, which is why I do talking work. I talk to people. I see people, or I hear their requests. I work on it and it’s very wordy. I think it might be shifting. There’s some other stuff that’s happening. That’s not verbal. That’s very interesting.
So anyway, I just started talking to one guy and as I was talking kind of went down through the things that I was really holding as like the problem, right? And I kind of got under it and got under it and I said, “You know what, actually, it’s really only two things, Creator. Would you please soften my eyes and help me pave the way?” That was all it came down to. All the things that were making me sick to my stomach. I was bawling regularly. I was very tense. I had a lot of conflict; I had a lot of death. I’ve had a lot of death during these last six months. But it came down to those two things and something about saying, “soften the eyes”. If I look at myself with soften the eyes. I look at other people with soften my eyes. To my students, just soften these eyes. These are harsh eyes. They’re not helping me, Creator and it’s hard for me to hear you, Creator. Soften my eyes and help me pave the way. It was so complete in that moment.
I’m so grateful to my brother Levi for that incredible, what seems to me like effortless wisdom from him. He’s just a very graceful and elegant person. For that gift, for that trust gift, for that practice gift, for that prayer gift really, and within, I think it was 23 minutes more or less. The first three things that were the superficial things on the list that I was working through, got solved without me having to ask for anything, without me having to tell anybody what the problems were. I mean solved, solved, complete solved. That was 23 minutes. Within about an hour and a half, two other things I was praying about, praying about a friend’s baby who was sick and that’s great results for the baby.
I mean, it was just this l little picker list. I don’t say that from a, I don’t say that with any kind of weight on it. I’m saying because I don’t think, that had I not heard Levi say that and heard it in a way that was, give it to Creator, and heard it in a way that got inside of me that I would have even considered it. I tell a story because I hope even one person can hear that story and has that same click and goes okay, well I’m just gonna get in there. I’m just going to give it to Creator and really do it, because I really did it. I was like, I am washing my hands of this. I am giving it because I don’t even know. I don’t even, I don’t have any frame of reference for how to solve these problems. Once I talk through it, I realized those weren’t really the problems and I feel like that gift from Creator was like, Oh, that’s it. Oh, okay. Like, okay, what now? What else did you say? Because that’s where I want to hang out with you. I was really overwhelmed by it.
I couldn’t even talk to one of my friends who subconsciously solved something for me. She didn’t even know what’s going on. I said, I’m crying right now, but I’m going to text you. She’s like, “are you okay?” I was like, “Yeah”. I just thought I had to actually be able to form words. Snot was running and everything. I called her and I told her what happened, and she went, “Oh, well, like that’s not what I was thinking.” It was because she’s even more empirical than I am. She doesn’t pray, she’s not into it, whatever. But I mean, there was no way that happened without some serious, beautiful interference. I’m down with beautiful interference. I wouldn’t like a beautiful interferer. So maybe interference is kind of part of what I’m coming into, from this Oracle. Woo asked an Oracle to, I would like to interfere with your systems of coping, your systems of ideation, and your systems of creation. I would like to see how that feels. Are you available for that? Because it is an interference. I think you could ask any of my clients I’ve worked with, especially the last couple weeks because stuff is on, it is on. It might be more appropriate. Thank you for letting me tell that story, so that I could think about things on about eight different levels, but also share something really important to me. Again, let’s just take a moment and thank Creator because wow, I’m impressed. I like that I’m supposed to judge Creator, but I’m really impressed. I’m impressed until and so embossed by Creator’s love right now that I know that this is radically changing how I am as a person and how I am as a being. I feel it. I feel it inside me. I feel it here. I think it. I’m eating it. I’m freezing it.
Lola Pickett 51:45
I’m feeling it too. I mean, impressed by this conversation. It’s made an impression. It’s left a mark. I think I feel. They know that what folks can receive and what’s available to receive when you listen to this conversation for the fifth, sixth, seventh time is what happens when we get down to the real questions. The question, the help you asked for from Creator was distilled down to the real too.
Dyana Valentine 52:23
Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. For those of us who really look for evidence to inform our trust, to inform our yielding, to help scaffold risk taking. It just takes somebody who’s had one experience that you haven’t had, and it takes you be willing to share one experience you’ve had. To be able to open the door for some kind of real gifting of care. I really mean that. I don’t mean, so that you can create a strategic plan. I can’t even think when people talk like that anymore. I used to be in it. I used to, that used to be my business really.
So, with the documentation and the rigor, the rules and how you set some kind of boundary so you can survive in a system. I just keep being invited to let go of a lot of those ideas. To me if there’s a collaborative care model that we could look at our way of sharing, or just even someone just calling to express themselves to me, or me taking the risk of expressing myself to someone about what’s really going on with me, what I’m struggling with and what I feel good about. Also, what I feel like I can’t see the light, can’t hear it here. I know it’s there, but something is not right. This stuff is too hard. There’s something going on. I’m lying, somebody’s lying to me. I don’t know what’s going on, but I need to be able to walk into care without irritation or pride. We have that come back again. What is that like? All I know is being chained up to pride, and chained up to expectation, and God has really high expectations for everyone and everything because otherwise, who are we? I think that’s really radically changing for me.
So, I just say thank you, Lola, for caring about me as a person and caring really how we are as people and letting people hear me and Kira. I’m really grateful for that. You’ve used your power to do something really caring for me and I’m grateful for that. Thank you.
Lola Pickett 55:12
I’m grateful, but the honor, it’s such a joy to share with you. I feel deeply touched by this idea. It brings me to tears too but this ancient idea that we can let go of all the orchestration, control, manipulation, what ifs, anxiety and worry and that there is a being, a presence, a higher power. Creator is just ready always, never not.
Seems like it.
See, you know.
I still have her. I’m not gonna act like I know, but yes.
It feels so healing. It feels reliable in a lot of ways. It feels so healing. It feels like a deep human truth that our society has, willfully, I will say that word, “willfully” suppressed, and hidden and made accessible to the privileged if at all. In very packaged forms. This kind of connection and conversation is what I feel us, as animal beings, is something we need to survive. It’s not just about food and resources in the traditional sense. It’s about real connection. Where’s the real web connecting us all, it’s here.
Dyana Valentine 57:00
I think that we are, we’re privileged in that. We are privileged in that we can look at relationships with Creator or the more than human world and have a very different interaction. A lot of us are still trying to eat, survive and live through violence. I would say avoid it, but I don’t think it’s avoidable for most of our kin. I don’t think that it’s that relationship with Creator or powerful being, you have to have all your stuff together to believe it really is there. For me, this is new for me, everybody. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m completely so mortal, and human. I wouldn’t have before, even three years ago, four years ago, I wouldn’t have said that I was a prayerful person. In fact, I deeply resisted the label that I was given probably more than 10 years ago where somebody said,”I don’t care what you call yourself on paper, you’re an evangelist.” And I was like, “I am not”.
Here’s what shifted me for that, is that I really resisted that. I wouldn’t let them put it on, it was going to be, it was a very large 10,000-person conference. I was doing a kind of a talk that would have put me on the front page in a way. Now I look at that and I go, “Oh, yeah. I know why they want to put me on the front page.” But I resisted and resisted until about six months later was still bothering me. I looked up the etymology of evangelists and it was celebrant of life. I went, Okay, I guess that it! Is that what you meant? Oh, okay. Because it’s true. I am, I become very vocal, very much.
Let’s get this word out. Let me help you find a way to say what you mean, so you feel good and you can let that light shine because what you’re doing is important. Do it in a way that makes sense to me. That’s just a rolling experience now. It used to be very contained, because I felt like that would help me be available for the work if it was all contained in this little package. Now I just was like, you know what? Open the door of sleep when I need to sleep. I can now just take whole blocks of availability and just delete them from this magic sauce thing that I use with calendly thing. This Thursday does not feel good at all, delete. Who says I have to be available? Said no one ever, right? I’ve always had the power to control what I’m doing with my body and what I’m doing with my mind. I’ve always wanted to do it this way. I’ve always wanted to have this be a sustainable way to live.Do I have any idea how it will work? None. But here I am. I literally have nothing to lose. I didn’t turn anybody away. I actually open the door to way more people in my work. There are fewer qualifications and there’s no “if you are, then I am, I’m gone”. I would like to survive. I would like to thrive. I’d like to be able to choose organic. That’s where I am in life. I also know that I’ve never had a problem solving those above the eyebrows. It’s really a commitment breeder.
Lola Pickett 1:01:23
Dyana Valentine 1:01:27
I know that you have time limits and things. Did you find that thing that we were gonna talk about?
Lola Pickett 1:01:34
What I remembered was that we were talking about being messy, having things be a mess and not navigating the mess, being the mess and being with the mess. Not making the mess mean so much about who we are, our value, or our progress or what have you. I think in so many ways, we’ve woven that through every single thing here. There’s never been a moment where it hasn’t felt messy, or that the mess has been swept under the carpet, deemphasize. It’s just part of things. It is things.
Dyana Valentine 1:02:24
Yeah, things are messy. What would it be like if we were like, “Yeah, things are a mess. So anyway”. Maybe the messiness is not actually the problem.
Lola Pickett 1:02:51
Probably not. Who knows?
Dyana Valentine 1:02:53
Maybe the noisy, or heavy, or the whatever isn’t even the thing. I don’t know, what would that be like? What on earth would we buy if that were true? What would we have on our wish list if we just stipulated it’s messy?
Lola Pickett 1:03:20
You just deleted my Amazon cart.
Dyana Valentine 1:03:24
I know. I really hope I did.
Yeah, for sure.
I hope. I digress from Amazon. I can’t do it. I know that there are things that people really do need, and they really need it there. They need it at the prices there and I have no judgment about it. Personally, it took me until I think about May. I think May was last month that I was on the membership, the paid membership. I stopped doing that, but I think I still placed one more order in June of something that I needed up there. I’m serious about it, enough already.
Lola Pickett 1:04:14
I think those mess came out right
Dyana Valentine 1:04:18
That’s not the mess I want to invest in. No, I’m okay with being human, being mortal messes, but I’m not okay with that mess.
Lola Pickett 1:04:28
No, I’m not either.
Dyana Valentine 1:04:31
Okay, I know you have a time limit.
No, we can stay.
We can have another conversation too some time. I would really like to know more about what you think about and why your work is what it is right now. What you mean by what you say, I have questions. So either at this hour, let’s go for it and have like some other conversation where maybe I can like…
Lola Pickett 1:05:08
Yes. Let’s do it. One hundred percent go for it. I like that. Yeah, I would love that because I feel the power in the interference. That word. It’s fuzzy.
Dyana Valentine 1:05:29
It’s fuzzy. It is. I want to be your favorite auntie in the neighborhood, we hear this.
Lola Pickett 1:05:39
Oh, yeah. You are the favorite auntie in the neighborhood.
Dyana Valentine 1:05:44
I don’t like it. Also, maybeI don’t know, but maybe porch. Just sitting on the porch together. It would be nice to sit on the porch together, Lola.
I accept. I have a porch.
Lola Pickett 1:06:07
Well, I will have a better porch. But I have a little one right now.
Dyana Valentine 1:06:12
We’ll social distance on the porch.
Is there anything else that you feel the listeners might benefit from for us in terms of our closing. I would like to give thanks, whenever it’s appropriate or there’s time for that.
Lola Pickett 1:06:28
Yeah. So, I feel humbled by this conversation in a good way. I feel brought back to what really matters to me in my life by this conversation, brought around to it, forward into it more. I feel deeply grateful for that and for the opportunity to get curious about the questions I’m asking in my own life. I hear other people’s questions that I like you, enjoy. Looking at things and sharing certain questions about the questions and reflection. I rarely get the chance to have those questions asked of me. I feel like there was some really good quality, juicy frequencies going back and forth between us that I know our listeners are sensitive to and are feeling and I just encourage everybody as we begin to close the conversation container for today, to maintain curiosity around your own questions. Question yourself not to erode faith in yourself, but to rebuild it, to rediscover it.
Dyana Valentine 1:07:54
I love that. Thank you.
Lola Pickett 1:07:57
Yeah. What would you like to say in closing?
Dyana Valentine 1:08:01
Oh, it all goes back to Creator. I just want to thank you, Creator, for nourishing us today, for giving us this opportunity to be together and to be human beings. Thank you for protecting the children who you protect and the people who are really suffering right now. Thank you, Creator, for making sure that all those land protectors, language protectors, people protectors, and women protectors are all fed on the front lines, are cared for, and get support from surprising places, have peaceful sleep. They need the rest later. Creator, thank you for keeping me safe on this journey to now and letting Lola and I touch paths so often and so beautifully and agreed to be together here Creator. Thank you for my prayer families and a lot of prayers up there. Our people are really suffering and ask you to really look out for those teenagers and those children who are really, really having a hard time coping with the isolation and who are struggling with addiction and feeling like they’re a burden or they can’t stay, Creator. Please help them see the light that they’re seeking in the darkness. I know that you have that to shine on them, Creator. Creator, let our experience here, let our conversation here travel to just the people who need to hear it and let it comfort them, push them or whatever it is that you see fit. Thank you for these gentle lessons. I appreciate you being gentle with us. I know that lessons and learning sometimes need to be harsh, and we understand that, but we really appreciate the gentle one. Thank you, Creator. Thank you, Creator. Thank you, Creator.
Lola Pickett 1:10:23
Thank you, Dyana for being here. Thank you, listeners, for offering us the privilege of your time, your attention, your faith and trust in who is in this space and what there is to receive in this space. I really appreciate you and know that we’re all here to be a contribution as much as we possibly can in a beneficial way for all beings on this planet. May this conversation support that endeavor ,for us all. So it is.
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